Work hazards of a gymnastics coach

Today was another day at the gymnastics place. Subbing for more people who seem to be passing around something or just not showing up at work. It was a "safe" day. Had a few close calls while teaching roundoffs and rings. For those of you who don't teach gymnastics, let give you a few examples of the hazards that surround us gym coaches.

A gymnastics venue screams danger, no matter how you look at it. Kids everywhere, often completely oblivious to anyone or anything around them. Then these little bundles of energy that come alive as soon as they walk through the door, act like atoms set free in a nuclear explosion. Which often leads to near lethal collisions with stable atoms going around in their normal patterns. Once these little atoms have been roped back in, trying to keep them focused and not bonding with other little atoms is near impossible. If you just look at a gymnastics venue, the equipment looks dangerous. Trying to make sure these little atoms react in a proper and stable manner with the equipment is another daunting task. They are always looking for ways to use the equipment in unintended ways.

When you can gain control of the entire class and begin instructing various skills required to pass the different levels, there enters the whole personal safety issue. Kids have limbs. These limbs seem to possess a mind of their own. I know it's said that men have two brains, let me tell you, kids have about ten. I can prove this. When you ask a child why one limb acted wrongly or did not follow directions, the kid responds "I don't know." There you have it. Kids have about ten brains that independently control each member of the body. This can cause problems when one limb decides to interact with a part of the coaches body. Feet end up cutting open lips when a child actually follows instructions and surprises the coach. Feet land in very sensitive parts of the male body when a kid randomly switches sides that she roundoffs on. Feet also have a tendency to swing franticly when being hosted to a high bar or the rings. Often times
these feet make contact with above stated sensitive part of the male body. Sometimes it's just a swift kick to the legs or arms or stomach. Arms also have a tendency to do funny things too. They can flail about making contact with the side of a coaches face or other parts of the
body. Girls also have a funny mechanism in them that can shut off all brain function half way through a dangerous skill. This causes panic in a coach which results in the coach using all his might to bring the stunned girl to a safe and complete stop on the ground. There is often
some soreness in multiple parts of the body that occurs when pulling a decent sized girl out of mid air and twisting her body and yours so that a safe landing results.

You see, gymnastics looks all safe and fun, until you coach it. Then you realize why you had to sign more paperwork and waivers than your previous job at the nuclear plant. Today though, was a "safe" day. No serious injuries inflicted:-)

Tory Almond